Optimist>The Optimist

Since the 1970s, U.S. divorce rates have more than tripled. It is often believed that problems in relationships arise because couples must learn to communicate better with one another. But Sue Johnson, professor of clinical psychology at the University of Ottawa, doesn’t buy that. It’s all about emotional connection, she says. Johnson created Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples, which is proving very successful. During this three-session online course, Johnson will give you new insight into sustaining love and moving through its dark side, like affairs and other emotional injuries. During this three-session course Sue Johnson will give you deep insight into the following topics:

1. Understanding love and how it goes wrong
2. Understanding love and how to shape it, keep it, repair and renew it
3. Understanding tipping points in love: transitions, emotional injuries, affairs and forgiveness

Why you should register for this course. 

EFT is gaining increasing recognition around the world as an effective approach to marital problems. A 1999 study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology showed that more than 70 percent of “problem couples” become satisfied with their relationship and stay together after completing a series of EFT sessions. In 2005, Nathan Wood at the University of Utah compared several forms of couples therapy and published his findings in The American Journal of Family Therapy. EFT performed significantly better than its counterparts. 

Human beings have a fundamental need for connection with others: with our families, our social groups and above all our romantic partners. People are social creatures. That quality has helped humankind survive harsh conditions throughout our evolutionary development. Our brains are built to “read” others’ emotions and to communicate. Healthy attachments calm us and regulate our feelings. They also make us healthier: The risk of cardiovascular disease drops and minor wounds heal faster when we are part of healthy, intimate relationships. We are made to bond.

Johnson takes this primal human need as the starting point for what she calls “hold me tight” conversations, in which partners reveal their deepest feelings of loneliness and their desires for love. When one partner surrenders to vulnerability, the other can soften and open up, allowing them to re-establish their bond. 

During this three-session course, Sue Johnson will introduce you to the new science of romantic love:

1. Understanding love and how it goes wrong. A healthy relationship doesn’t mean a couple never argues and never loses that connection. “Loving partners know how to reconnect and restore the bond between them,” Johnson says. “They don’t give up, and after a while, trust begins to grow.”

2. Understanding love and how to shape it, keep it, repair and renew it.Through EFT, partners learn not to see each other as enemies but as hapless players in the “demon dialogues”: vicious cycles of negative interactions. They learn to recognize the pattern of their relationships, to name their fears and needs within that pattern and to step out of it.

3. Transitions, emotional injuries, affairs and forgiveness. Says Johnson: “The last thing most warring partners do is simply say, I feel so alone; please hold me! But those are precisely the words that can restore peace and strengthen the emotional connection.”

About Sue Johnson

Sue Johnson is a clinical psychologist, researcher, professor, author, popular speaker and one of the leading innovators in the field of couples therapy. She presents and writes on attachment and bonding, the science of love, interventions to repair relationships, trauma couples and forgiveness. Sue holds professorships at the University of Ottawa in Canada and at Alliant University in San Diego, California. She is one of the originators and the main proponent of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a powerful, tested intervention to help couples repair rifts and build strong loving bonds. She is also the Director of the Ottawa Couple and Family Institute and the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy  (ICEEFT), which has numerous affiliated centers and communities in North America and Europe.

Sue received her doctorate in counseling psychology from the University of British Columbia in 1984. Her books are considered to be among the leading texts on couples therapy, and she serves on the boards of many professional journals. Her 2008 book—Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, written for the general public—outlines her 25 years of research and the new science of adult bonding. This book is the basis for a program for post-deployment military couples created for the U.S. military and a relationship-education program, Hold Me Tight: Conversations for Connection.

She has been widely recognized for her work, receiving the Outstanding Contribution to the Field of Couple and Family Therapy Award from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and the Research in Family Therapy Award from the American Family Therapy Academy. She is a fellow of the American Psychological Association and her work has been cited in publications such as The New York Times, The Washington Post, USA Today, the Globe and Mail, More and Psychology Today. 

Johnson also has an active media presence. Her favorite radio interview to date was her conversation about love on CBC’s Ideas in November 2009. Her favorite TV spot is on the CBC talk show Stephen and Chris. She blogs on holdmetight.com and psychologytoday.com. Video clips of Johnson presenting her work are also shown on the holdmetight.com website.

Reviews of Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

At last, a road map through Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy with its creator. Dr. Johnson's superb science, humor, and clinical wisdom are finally accessible to all of us. I couldn't pick a smarter, warmer and more real guide for this journey.
John Gottman, Ph.D., bestselling author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and co-author of And Baby Makes Three

A truly revolutionary, breakthrough book...the most important, valuable book for couples published in the 21st century.
Barry McCarthy, Ph.D, author of Getting It Right the First Time

Sue Johnson [is] the most original contributor to couples therapy to come along in the last 30 years. This book will touch your heart, stimulate your mind and give you practical strategies for improving your marriage. It will be an instant classic.
William J. Doherty, Ph.D., author of Take Back Your Marriage

Wonderful!...Hold Me Tight blends the best in research findings with practical suggestions from a caring and compassionate clinician. This fabulous book will be of great benefit...to couples trying to find their way to better communication and deeper, more fulfilling ways of being with each other. Bravo!
Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. author of Parenting from the Inside Out

A much needed message to all couples and therapists, and I recommend it to all.
Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. author of Getting the Love You Want and Receiving Love